Monday, July 13, 2009

to cook or not to cook...

Everynight is a major struggle over the I cook or not? There is always cereal or maybe tuna. Or I could talk my amazing hubby into taking us out! That is always an option. I remember the single and dating days when we had not a care in the world and we came and went as we pleased. A midnight meal at waffle house or wendy's was a normal thing for us. Then came kids and I wanted to be the picture perfect family.

Well, I don't enjoy being in the kitchen. I might even go so far as to say I hate being in the kitchen. I can whip up a few things here and there. Taco soup, throw a stouffers lasagna in the oven, a quick salad, etc. John would probably say that jambalaya pasta is my specialty but don't tell him it's just zatarans! My poor youngest, logan, would eat spaghetti and pizza every other night but I don't ever think to make it because he is the only one in the family who would eat it. And then there is jackson. He actually didn't even eat yesterday. Yep, that's right, just decided food wasn't for him. (of course for anyone that knows us, you know this is our ongoing struggle and issue with him). Today he made up for it but only ate his accepted foods, to the extreme. 10 peices of turkey bacon, extra crispy, 5 strawberry Nutragrain bars, 5 Wendy's chicken nuggets, extra hot, and almost a whole box of grahm crackers (only the ones that weren't broken of course!)

So here I am, mother of 2 boys, wife to an amazing guy, gal who wants to eat healthy who could (and SHOULD) make meal planning, preparing, cooking, and serving a FULL-TIME job. But I don't, and haven't, for so many reasons. I'm tired for one. Not tired as in worked all day, just home from the office after a full day of board meetings and then fought through traffic to get the kids from day care tired. The tired that creeps into my body and soul. The tired that robs me of sleep at night as I toss and turn trying to find answers to what my family needs and how I can provide it. The tired that is there after researching, reading, searching for food therapy solutions, trying out the ideas I've learned, given it my heart and soul only to have my 5 year old either gag, cry, or decided to not eat for 24 hours after I've tried everything I can to relate to his sensory processing disorder self. I find myself exhausted just thinking about all the food ideas I've come up with and all the food I've wasted and thrown away after a 30 min food session that only resulted in jackson sniffing the newly introduced item. The baby steps I am taking are so minute, I don't even thing we are actually moving forward. And that is just jackson!!

On the days I actually do cook and pretend I have a "normal" family, a certain brilliant author I know comes home and would rather just have cereal. You mean I stood up for an hour trying to read a recipe for healthy fish cakes and slaved over preparing them and side items only to be met with, "i'm just not up to that tonight". (although I have to give him credit for always trying what I make). Tonight was "make what you have in the freezer seem like a great meal night" Main ingredient, Jennie-o lean ground turkey, mmmmmm. Left over from my Biggest Loser inspiration shopping trip. So I google turkey recipes, find one that look appealing, and dive in with zeal! Spicy turkey burgers with things like cumin, garlic, soy sauce, and about 12 more ingredients. I decide tater tots would be a quick and easy compliment to my attempt at something out of the ordinary so I preheat the oven and get to work. The turkey burgers were ready to hit the grill just about the time Mr. wonderful was ready for dinner, perfect! As I call the family to the table I of course hear the usual "I'm not hungry" from jackson, logan chimes in with "I just want cookies!" and John is ready for anything. 2 bites into my 'semi-gourmet' turkey burgers, I'm not impressed and my other half is scarffing the tater tots!! I gave the recipe 2 stars out of 5 but that was probably generous. sigh. At least we didn't go hungry, the tater tots were really good!! :)

All of this to be said, I feel like a failure as the wife and mom in this family. My oldest won't eat. My youngest eats everything, all the time, and probably too much junk. We spend way too much money on going out to eat, and I am at a loss for figuring out what I want to cook and then hate cooking it only to NOT enjoy eating it. So, my few and faithful blog readers, I need a few easy and tasty meals that I can rotate with my family so I can start being budget friendly, somewhat healthy, and not feel like a total LOSER! Thank you so much!


Cami said...

Praying for you! I do feel your pain...not quite the same, but I feel it. Have you looked at Pioneer Woman's recipes? They look so darn good! Try some of them out!

Love you - MISS you.

Kristina said...

Girl, I feel you, I promise i do! Feeding therapist or Not, we ALL have these struggles as moms! And I will be honest with you, the prep time is the most time consuming and draining (not just talking about the food prep) Recreating the routine is hard but I know in our household and many others that is the place to start. So lets say you are just going to make some kind of crunchy baked chicken that Jackson "might" handle having in front of could start with one day and have him go with you to the store to pick out the coating (any favorite chips?) and He is in charge of crushing them up. Then you bake them. Talk it up, pick out music (, awesome) Light a candle and sit down for dinner. Now, easier said than done right?! That is what I mean by the prep part taking the most time, getting to where everyone expects to sit down together and actually has somewhat of an appetite to try some things. Or move it outside one night and make it fun somehow. I do feel you though and I know it is absolutely draining when you know what the typical outcome is! Hang in there! Youre an awesome mom I can tell!

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